The Way I See It

Which phase of "Old" is this?

Wed, 29 Jul 2009 19:27:35 GMT

Have you noticed that as your strolling merrily down the path that is your life, you occasionally stumble across one of those little lines in the sidewalk that reminds you that you're older than you used to be? One of those little lines for me was the oft-repeated "If I was XX years younger, I would..." That statement made me feel a little wrinkly every time I said it, so I just quit saying it. I do not need to be reminded - especially by me - that I'm too old to shop at Hot Topic, date Robert Pattinson or pull my shirt up in a Girls Gone Wild video.

Sunday, I was chatting with a friend in Target who was holding a couple of the Twilight series books. I said that I hadn't read them and didn't intend to but I liked the movie. She replied that she was reading the books because she watched the movie and oh-my-god wasn't that Edward Cullen (the aforementioned Robert Pattinson for those who have been living in a cave far from any hint of civilization for the last few years) gorgeous. I heartily agreed that he was indeed and then said:

"I want to watch Aliens in the Attic! Carter Jenkins is in it and he is so sweet. I would love to be his mom!"

What???

A simple observation.

Mon, 13 Jul 2009 17:57:20 GMT

Jon Gosselin is a lying, cheating, worthless, scum-sucking, POS pig.

Except pigs are cute and funny and can be turned into bacon.

So I guess Jon Gosselin is just a lying, cheating, worthless, scum-sucking POS.

He's actually going to do it.

Mon, 13 Jul 2009 17:02:16 GMT

Cody went to Bozeman this week for orientation and class registration.

He's actually going to move away.

(BTW - If one more person tells me it's time to cut the cord, I may very well be making my next entry from the Yellowstone County Detention Facility. I'll cut the cord when I'm damn good and ready to cut the cord. Got it?)

Dear Bobby Flay,

Wed, 08 Jul 2009 15:03:59 GMT

Please tell me how to learn to like cilantro. You use more of it than any other TV chef I know of so you must really like it.

HOW?

I have spent the last 20 years trying to acquire a taste for that nasty stuff and still nothing. It's horrible. Truly, epic-ly horrible. An unexpected taste of it in my mouth makes me recoil like someone slapped me. The very thought of anything smothered in a cilantro cream sauce makes my stomach roll like a breaching grey whale.

So please, Chef Flay, share the secret. What Jedi mind trick do you use to convince yourself that cilantro should be part of the human food chain?

Sincerely yours,

Weird.

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 21:07:29 GMT

If you eat black jelly beans and then drink lemonade, it tastes like you're drinking cough syrup.

Yuck.

Call off the search.

Wed, 22 Apr 2009 20:24:29 GMT

I found it myself.

"Where?" you might be asking yourself.

Amazon.com

Who'da thought? I guess you really can get just about anything there.

On an entirely different note, Cody took first place in discus at the track meet last night.

WooHoo!

Ready to scream!!!

Wed, 15 Apr 2009 18:33:28 GMT

I have tried every avenue I can think of to get my hands on some frozen passionfruit pulp. I think I can safely say there is none in the state of MT. My internet search turned up the fact that Goya distributes some but it's not available for sale directly from them online. I can buy some from Australia or New Zealand but the shipping would be insane. I can buy the fruits from a grower in California (and I may at some point) but they're currently out of season and won't be available until August.

HELP ME INTERNET FRIENDS!!!

If you see some one day as you're conveniently wandering through the frozen food section of your local Latin, Carribean or other well-stocked market, would you please let me know.

Negative advertising

Wed, 08 Apr 2009 20:49:42 GMT

Have you ever noticed that the people who claim to love Jesus the loudest are usually the ones who treat living, breathing people the worst?

A Conor Observation

Wed, 18 Feb 2009 17:30:57 GMT

Last night over dinner, Conor shared this little gem:

Conor: Mommy, I know four kinds of berries.

Me: You do? What four berries do you know?

Conor: Well, there's strawberries and blueberries and gooseberries and Halle Berries.

One of the most unintentionally funny things I've ever heard. That child is priceless.

My hands-down favorite not-a-recipe

Thu, 12 Feb 2009 19:44:19 GMT

At first glance, it might appear to be a recipe but it's not really a recipe. Recipes have measurements. This is one of those things where you put a pot on the stove and dump stuff into it in the amounts that suit you best and when you're all done, Voila! You have something that tastes wonderful that's the easiest thing you ever made and it's not even bad for you.

I call the version I'm going to share Chicken Taco Soup. You will probably call it something else. Like when I make it with leftover pork roast. Then I call it Leftover Pork Roast Taco Soup. Even the name is flexible!

Here's how I make it:

Put a large pot on top of the stove. Dump in a large can (28 oz, I think) of chopped Muir Glen organic tomatoes. Add 2 cans of Rotel tomatoes and chiles (whichever hotness you like � I use regular). Drain and rinse two cans of black beans then add them to the pot. Smack a bag of frozen corn (you could use canned if you want. I just like frozen better) on the counter to break it up into individual kernels, pour how much you want (I use somewhere between 2 and 3 cups) into the pot (or into a colander if it's all frosty and you want to rinse that off first). Throw in some chopped chicken (or leftover turkey from thanksgiving or leftover taco meat or some of those vegetarian fake hamburger crumbles or some of the aforementioned leftover pork roast or whatever is sitting there taking up space in the fridge, or even NO MEAT(!) if you'd prefer). Add in some water until it's as soup-y as you want. Stir in taco seasoning to taste. If you don't have any taco seasoning on hand, you can use some chili powder, cumin, salt and pepper instead. Heat to boiling. Eat. It's even better the next day when the flavors have had time to blend.

I make huge pots of this and keep it in the fridge. I've eaten it for lunch every day for up to 2 weeks straight and have never gotten sick of it. I've thrown in leftover sliced olives, green beans, noodles, and once, even chopped up leftover tamales.